In case you missed the obvious, I'm pregnant. Very pregnant.
Pregnancy is an intense mixture of blessing and suffering. Carrying life is amazing. I am humbled and honored to be a woman who is called to carry and birth children. This calling is not without pain and suffering. Morning sickness, stretching ligaments, emotional roller coasters, exhaustion, not to mention labor and delivery, all combine to create endless opportunities for personal growth.
Approaching delivery I prepare myself for complete surrender to the birth process. I learned the hard way with Samuel's birth that labor is easier when I lay everything down and willingly ride the waves of pain. I talk to God a lot about labor and pain. I have gathered a list of songs in my MP3 player to encourage me and keep me focused on the ultimate outcome of labor. The ultimate, desired outcome of labor is a healthy baby and a healthy momma. I have added to this outcome my desire that God be glorified through my labor and delivery.
Even while mentally preparing for labor pains, I am praying and asking God to take away the pain. I have heard of women having pain free labors, and I put in my request for one of those. I don't believe God intended for women to birth in pain. It's the result of the curse of sin through the imperfect Eve (Genesis 3:16). Despite the new covenant of Christ, women continue to have excruciating pain through childbirth. I talk to God about this too. And I have asked for the originial plan, to birth easily and pain free.
Even with asking for a miraculous pain free birth, I submit to whatever He has planned for me. There is so much growth through suffering. God uses pregnancy and childbirth to mature and grow women. I learn to completely rely on Him as I walk the trials of motherhood. I know that suffering produces perseverence. Perseverance, character and character, hope (Romans 5:3). I want these charactistics to be a sincere part of my life.
As I await the deliverance of my pregnancy and the arrival of my gift of God, little Matthew, I sink deeper and deeper into His grace. I waddle around the house, doing chores while my belly tightens with "false labor". I take deep breaths and relax into the knowledge that God is a big, big God. He is more than enough for me. I trust Him with every part of me.