I either believe that God is good or I do not. If God is good and He loves me, then He is trustworthy. The Bible says that "all things work together for the good of those who love him [God] and are called according to his purpose." Well, that's me. I love God and I'm called for His purpose.
Today I will praise the Lord. Job says in 1:21 "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I've been angry with the Lord for taking away Vivian, my tiny rice baby. I questioned Him for even allowing me to become pregnant if He planned to just take the baby back.
I realized during church today that Vivian has a purpose. If I can align a purpose to my tiny lost baby, then I may find a measure of comfort. I also realized the Creator has the right to create a life destined to live only a few weeks. As time progresses, and my heart continues to heal, I see that God has a plan for Vivian's short life. One, this experience allows me to really understand other women who have gone through a miscarriage. I'm in the club now. I get it.
Vivian's creation was completely of the Lord. Is He not in charge of His creations? He knew when she was created that she would only ever live in the sweetness of her mother's womb.
I wanted this baby. I wanted her to grow in my womb and I wanted to hold her close to my heart. BUT! I want God's will MORE! Today I am able to surrender. I haven't been able to really lay it down. And, maybe I will pick it up again tomorrow. I don't know. I'm hoping this is a measure of healing that with be steadfast.
The Bible says God is the lifter of our heads. Today, He lifted my head. He gently took my chin and tipped my head up so I could see His face. He loves me. He is not out to get me. He is not planning evil things for my life.
"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord," says the mother with the broken heart.