Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Being Pushed by The List

Have I told you that Samuel knows how to push my buttons?  In the past thirty minutes, I walked in on him cutting his shirt with my sewing scissors [praise God he just cut the shirt and not his skin!!]; he yanked the bottom sewing drawer all the out so that the contents split everywhere; and he turned the dishwasher on.  Pushing my buttons.  

I am overwhelmed.  Which, according to my journals [and this transparent blog of mine] appears to be a running theme in my life.  I believe most, if not all, mothers have a "To Do List" comparable to mine.  There are the usual chores of laundry, dishes, floors, toilets, diaper changing, spanking the naughties out, bathing the children, cooking meals, and sorting toys.  On top of all this is unpacking boxes.  Unpacking boxes is more than just taking items out of boxes.  It involves sorting, organizing and finding places for everything.  Continuing the lengthy list comes home school; a self-inflicted and totally convicted job of teaching my own children their reading, writing, and arithmetic.  

My list is long.  It is full and time consuming.  My mother-in-law once told me, "Jessica, you can't let the list run you."  Does your list run YOU?  It runs me.  That darn list is quite bossy and pushy.  It even wakes me up at night.  

Today, I tell The List to "hush up!"  [I would say "shut up", but we don't say that at our house.]  I'm tired of The List stressing me out.  If I don't get to it, who cares?  It'll get done.  Or, as Jason says, "it'll still be there in the morning".  [Which, frankly, I don't see how that's encouraging.  But oh well!]  I am not going to be run by my To Do List.  I'm just gonna enjoy the day and thank the Lord for it.  He is the maker of Today!!  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  

I'm off to chase Samuel!

"I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.  I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble.  When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who knows my way."  Psalm 142:1-3

Friday, August 20, 2010

aching heart of a searching sparrow

Tomorrow will be our one month anniversary of driving into Alamogordo, NM.  

Moving is a transition of the heart.  The mountains belong to me, but I have not made any forever friendships with kindred spirits. I am lonely.  [Side note: God did move my sweet friend, Kim, out to NM over two years ago.  I am blessed to have here only an hour away.  That does help my lonely heart.]  

In VA, I was rich in friendship.  Rich.  Friends abounded in my life.  They were everywhere, and I basked in the comfort and love that emanated from my sweet friends.  I miss the basking.  

I love my house.  I love the mountains that surround this God-made basin.  I love my clothes line.  I am enjoying decorating my new house.  The house feels like mine more and more everyday.  I am enjoying my children and the peace of the country.  My husband and I are walking hand in hand in this journey and that feels oh, so good.

Yet my heart is sad.  Loneliness resonants through it like the loud banging of a tribal drum.  It aches inside my chest.  I still feel out of place in this small town.  I feel out of place in the local church we've been visiting.  I miss the smiling face of Grace Church in VA.  I miss being a part of a church that loves me and my family.

I know it takes time.  One month down..  how many more to go before I feel "home"?  I guess I get closer every day, right?  Oh, I so hope so.  

"Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young- a place near your altar." Psalm 84:3

"Better is one day in His house, then thousands elsewhere."  

Thursday, August 05, 2010

This Is Our House; Day Three

It’s beginning to look like our house. Our faithful, versatile muslin curtains are hanging up at the double glass doors. This is the third house their company has accompanied us. I like them. Obviously.

Our new three bedroom, 1600 square foot home is perfect for us. With a view of the majestic, rugged Sacramento Mountains out my backdoor and five acres for the children to run around, there is no denying the country atmosphere enveloping us. It draws us in. The air is crisp and quiet. A train whistles past our house several times a day. Miles away, but the ground is so flat from here to the base of the mountains, that we can see the train.

Settling into our house takes work. Opening up our lives in the new town takes work. [And Alamogordo is definitely a town versus a city. A wonderful, small town boasting of modern businesses like Applebees and Holiday Inn plus historic wonders like “the oldest zoo in the southwest” and utility companies that required me to actual “come in” to set up our account. Small town] Today, Day Three of living on Southend Road, we barely miss cable and internet. Two convenience yet to be hooked up. The kids are too busy playing to care. Although LelaMae did sit down at the TV and, “click-click”, tried to turn it on. She sighed in disappointment before scampering off on another adventure.

As I unpacked the boxes in my new kitchen, I heared God gently whisper, “See; I told ya so. I told you it would be great.” My heart swelled up when I opened a box and found a Ziploc baggie full of refrigerator magnets, memory scriptures and pictures from the fridge on Invader Drive. I vividly remember packing and taping that box with tears in my eyes at the un-knowledge of the future. Here I am in the future. And I like it.  The future [which is now the present] is perfect for me.  

revolutionary love

I have experienced revolutionary love. Love with no strings attached. Jesus Christ loves me and made a way for me to have a relationship with the One True God. God desires a relationship with you, too. If you have yet to experience this revolutionary love, please email me at so I can share this amazing experience with you. Blessings, -Jess