Tuesday, July 27, 2010

lifestyle change my life

I haven't written much about food.  But I sure do think about it.  A lot.  I think about whether it's good for me or not.  I think about how much I am eating.  I think about how much I am not eating.  I think about how good it tastes.  Mostly, I think about how much I hate the addiction.  

Food is my drug of choice.  Cigarettes don't do it for me; can't stand the smell.  I prefer to ruin my pancreas with sugar versus my liver with alcohol.  I've never even been offered marijuana or cocaine.   But food?  Ah, yes, it really does do things, chemically, to our bodies.  To my body.  It makes me feel good when I feel sad.  It gives me something to do when I am bored.  And, darn it, it tastes so delicious!

Two years ago, I blogged about my history with my weightloss struggles.  I won't bother repeating myself; feel free to click HERE and read that post.  I had just joined WW-again.  I don't remember how long I attended before I quit.   But, a year later, I re-joined WW again.  That was last October, in 2009.  From October to March, I lost thirty pounds.  I have stalled at that thirty for the past three/four months.  Better than gaining, but still it is not loosing.  

Do diets work?  Statistically, 95% of dieters gain their weight back.  I posted this question on my Facebook account and everyone answered "it's a lifestyle change" blah, blah, blah.  Yes, that's true.  I guess, my question really was, what if I have some block for changing my lifestyle?  Or, better yet HOW do I change my lifestyle?  I know WHAT to change, but HOW do I get it from my head to my heart?  

Do I love myself?  I love my kids so I feed my kids healthy food.  I make sure they don't spend all day sitting around, watching TV.  I hide all the junk food and ration it out sparingly to the kids, usually allowing junk only a couple of times a week.  For them.  But, when they are sleeping, I eat the rest of the ice cream and snitch the candy bar hiden in my purse.  What's wrong with me?  

What am I missing?  What are 95% of us missing???  Two-thirds of Americans are overweight.  So, that means that 2/3rd of you reading my blog are overweight.  While that makes me not feel lonely, I don't find that encouraging.  How can we fix this mess?  Lifestyle change?  Or is it a heart change that we need?  Both?  

I press on.  This I know:  giving up won't get me anywhere but fatter.  I re-joined WW in NM.  I found a women's gym in Alamogordo; I am signing up after we move to our new house.  I am seeking God for freedom.  Well, access to freedom He has already given me.  And, I am researching health, diets, etc. online.  

I want to love myself enough to take care of me.  I want to be in the 5% who succeed at the all elusive "lifestyle change".  

Friday, July 23, 2010

aching for the familiar

Home.  It's a funny word.  One I've been throwing around in my head recently.  

We are in our temporary home right now.  Called TLF, Temporary, Living Facilities.  It is like a hotel suite.  There is a kitchen with a bar for the kids to sit at.  A separate bedroom for mommy/daddy privacy.  A fold out couch and two TVs.  And two sinks.  One toilet.  Our space is limited, but it's working out.  

I miss- I don't even know what I miss.  I don't miss Virginia, as in the state of Virginia.  New Mexico's laid back approach suites my style much more.  I love the mountains of NM.  They have already captured my heart.  I suspect the mountains of changing moods and  I like it.

I miss the people I left behind in VA.  Sue.  Rachel.  Jackie.  Lindsey.  There are too many wonderful women to list off here.  My heart aches for your company.

It's more than missing friends.  I miss the sweet comfort of familiarity.  Familiarity takes time.  Routines take time.  Friendships take time.  There is not much I can do to create familiarity.  I yearn for it all.  Day Two in housing offers a tiny bit of familiarity.  The same stove.  The same meal routine.  I showered in the same shower two days in a row.  Jason went to work today.  That felt soothingly familiar.  

It's the weekend.  It feels like I've been living three weeks worth of weekends.  Today, Jason worked and Monday he will work again.  So, it really IS the weekend.  New routines begin.  I hunted down a Weight Watchers meeting that meets on Saturday.  My heart is all a'flutter at the "normalcy" WW offers to me.  

"When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who knows my way."  Psalm 142:3  When I forget who I am; when I can't find myself, there is great peace that God still knows who is Jessica.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Texas and then "HOME", kind of sort of...

Our five days in the Texas country side have whizzed past us already. We still have two more days in Texas, but we'll be in the big city of Fort Worth. I love Fort Worth. So alive!!

The country was wonderful. Being with in-laws was, miraculously refreshing. In-laws do not have to be difficult!! God can make a way so that in-laws are friends, not just extended family.

Tami, my mother-in-law, loved having us there. Jason's youngest brother, Joshua, is only a few years older than Isaiah, my six year old. Isaiah and his uncle Josh played hard. Every night we drained mud out of the tub after baths. Yick. Good, hard, dirty play. The girls are no exception. They were covered in dirt, too. And Samuel? Where did he go? Oh yeah, that little pile of dirt IS my Sam!

As time approaches for us to head to our new home in New Mexico, my heart grows excited. We have a house that we are in the process of buying. Praying God's grace to coat the whole process. It's a lot of work!! Especially while we are on the road, borrowing Internet from various towers and searching creatively for printers and faxes.

This roadtrip, compared to last year, is much more difficult. I believe it is because we are not just "on the road". We are moving. The roadtrip is just part of the move. It doesn't feel as much like a vacation this time. Still good. Still a blessing to see our loved ones. But my stress level is mucho higher.

Praying for grace. Praying for small moments of refreshing. Seeking the Lord. Trusting Him. He is good, this I know.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Illinois Days

Things are good in Illinois. Day Two of our three day stay at my brother Israel's house is passing quickly. Yesterday, we talked, ate sushi, made a recording of us singing and Israel playing on guitar and watched the cousins bond. Ah, yes, the bonding cousins. The bonding cousins has blessed my heart richly.

The most obvious bond is between Emily and Rose. They are both four years old, just a few months age difference. They both like princesses and tea parties. Emily and Rose are a little sassy and it fits them both. They are acting like long time buddies. I love it.

This afternoon we head over to my grandparents' house. We'll visit with them for awhile before sharing dinner at kid-friendly McDonald's. We are also going to join them for evening service at the DeKalb church of Christ. Hoping the children do well. Even though we are skipping nap-time for the girls. Yesterday, it took me an hour to get them both asleep, and then they were both awake less then an hour later! Not sure if it's worth it. So, today, they are just watching a quiet time movie.

I miss my honey. Jason made it to Alamogordo last night. He called to tell me that I would like our new town. He said the sun was setting behind the mountains and that it was beautiful. And that I would definitely like it there. Today he is sweating it out, unloading our 26 foot Uhual into the large storage unit. Tomorrow, Jason plans to look at a property we've been eye-balling online since March. Then, in the afternoon, he and his dad will head back towards TX. Tuesday, they'll arrive in Ft. Worth. Wednesday, Lord willing, Jason will catch a bus to Wichita, KS and meet up with us.

It's a lot, I know. But, so far, the plan has worked. By the grace of God. Praying all continues to glorify God and peace continues to prevail.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Day One on the Road to NM

The dog puked.  Isaiah asked us to turn around when we realized we'd forgotten the DVDs [only we found them in the van later..]  Rose wanted to go back to Aunt Rachel's house.  Lela Mae peed her pants and then sobbed.  Samuel screamed.  A lot. 

Ten hours on the road.  Only about eight of them were driving.  The other two were full of potty breaks and meal breaks.  But, we made it.  We are at our half-way point between VA and IL.  Tomorrow should be tad shorter.  

I drove out of VA for, probably, the last time today.  Hollered a "good-bye old house" as we drove past Invader on the way out of town.  Got choked up.  

Roadtrips are fun.  It is a bonding experience.  I got to see Samuel laugh over and over again [which made up for all the crying].  Isaiah loves the new Leapster I splurged on.  Rose laughed out loud at my jokes today.  And I soothed my sweet Lela Mae by rubbing the only thing I could reach from the front seat- her calf.  

It was a good day!

revolutionary love

I have experienced revolutionary love. Love with no strings attached. Jesus Christ loves me and made a way for me to have a relationship with the One True God. God desires a relationship with you, too. If you have yet to experience this revolutionary love, please email me at jandjkeys@hotmail.com so I can share this amazing experience with you. Blessings, -Jess