I haven't written much about food. But I sure do think about it. A lot. I think about whether it's good for me or not. I think about how much I am eating. I think about how much I am not eating. I think about how good it tastes. Mostly, I think about how much I hate the addiction.
Food is my drug of choice. Cigarettes don't do it for me; can't stand the smell. I prefer to ruin my pancreas with sugar versus my liver with alcohol. I've never even been offered marijuana or cocaine. But food? Ah, yes, it really does do things, chemically, to our bodies. To my body. It makes me feel good when I feel sad. It gives me something to do when I am bored. And, darn it, it tastes so delicious!
Two years ago, I blogged about my history with my weightloss struggles. I won't bother repeating myself; feel free to click HERE and read that post. I had just joined WW-again. I don't remember how long I attended before I quit. But, a year later, I re-joined WW again. That was last October, in 2009. From October to March, I lost thirty pounds. I have stalled at that thirty for the past three/four months. Better than gaining, but still it is not loosing.
Do diets work? Statistically, 95% of dieters gain their weight back. I posted this question on my Facebook account and everyone answered "it's a lifestyle change" blah, blah, blah. Yes, that's true. I guess, my question really was, what if I have some block for changing my lifestyle? Or, better yet HOW do I change my lifestyle? I know WHAT to change, but HOW do I get it from my head to my heart?
Do I love myself? I love my kids so I feed my kids healthy food. I make sure they don't spend all day sitting around, watching TV. I hide all the junk food and ration it out sparingly to the kids, usually allowing junk only a couple of times a week. For them. But, when they are sleeping, I eat the rest of the ice cream and snitch the candy bar hiden in my purse. What's wrong with me?
What am I missing? What are 95% of us missing??? Two-thirds of Americans are overweight. So, that means that 2/3rd of you reading my blog are overweight. While that makes me not feel lonely, I don't find that encouraging. How can we fix this mess? Lifestyle change? Or is it a heart change that we need? Both?
I press on. This I know: giving up won't get me anywhere but fatter. I re-joined WW in NM. I found a women's gym in Alamogordo; I am signing up after we move to our new house. I am seeking God for freedom. Well, access to freedom He has already given me. And, I am researching health, diets, etc. online.
I want to love myself enough to take care of me. I want to be in the 5% who succeed at the all elusive "lifestyle change".