Monday, June 28, 2010

moving on

It has begun.

 The house is still being emptied.  Jason works continually at it.  I have run away to Rachel's house with the wonderful excuse of watching the kids.  The old house now depresses me.  So empty and dirty.  It's not my house anymore.  

The roadtrip has started.  Even though we are not on the road.  Rachel's house is our first stop.  All six of us are in her bedroom with the gracious Rachel sleeping on her couch.  The first night went well.  For the kids.  I felt restless.  I wiggled and squirmed, wondering what today would bring.  

Today hasn't brought anything too awful.  Actually, it has been quite mellow.  Wal-mart trip to get goodies for the roadtrip.  Tying up loose ends here.  Tomorrow morning is our final housing inspection.  Then Wednesday we have our final outprocessing appointment, leaving Jason officially no longer assigned to Langley AFB.  So exciting.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Jesus In My Kitchen

We are coming down the wire over here, and things are still up in the air.  Every day I think, maybe today we'll find out when we are leaving...  Yet, evening comes and we still don't have anything solid.  

What amazes me is my peace and calm.  I really am OK with whatever works out.  I have this intense desire to do God's will, above all else.  And to not worry.  Check out where God led me in His Word this week: 

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  I hear Christ saying this with a hint of sarcasm, but still in grace and love for us.  Because, really, why DO we worry?  Nothing comes of it.  Nothing, but more worry and fear.  

Reading through Luke 12:22-34 tells of how God cares for the sparrows and the lilies.  He tells me to not even worry about what we will eat or drink.  Which translates to my weary heart that I do not need to worry about the quickly approaching move or roadtrip.  What a relief!!

I have found the most incredible praise and worship CD.  The Holy Spirit in it soothes my soul.  Check out Misty Edwards .    Thanks to a sweet friend who donated her old ipod to the Jessica Foundation, I actually have an ipod to download Misty's music onto.  And I have.  And Jesus is now in my kitchen.  Is He in your kitchen?

As I prepare to leave Invader Drive, my heart yearns to leave my friends in the hands of Jesus.  There are a few who still do not know Him.  Several that I have been praying for to come to know the Lord, to surrender their lives to Jesus.  I have asked God to open doors for one final conversation.  One more chance to really lay out God's plan.  One more time to be His vessel, a light in the darkness.  Use me, Lord!  

Thanks for reading.  Hope you enjoyed my ramblings.  Have a great day!

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

unforced rhythms of grace

"Are you tired?  Worn out? ...  Come to me.  Get away with me and you will recover your life.  I will show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  Matthew 11:28 [The Message Translation]

I can't tell you how soothing this verse is to me today.  But, I'm gonna try.  

"Are you tired?  Worn out?...  Come to me."
I am tired.  Worn out? Yep, me again.  

Christ, the King of Kings, beckons me to come to him.  "Come to me, Jessica," he whispers to my heart.  His presence brings such sweet peace.  Indescribable peace.  Literally.  I cannot describe it here on this computer screen.  But, I do pray it for YOU.  That whoever is reading these letters, would FEEL and KNOW the peace of the Savior.  

"Get away with me and you will recover your life."
I love how Jesus says "Get away with me".  It reminds me of my husband and I going on our Lovers Getaways.  I love going away with just Jason.  It resonates within me to getaway with my Best Friend, the Giver of Life, Jesus Christ.

Recover my life.  What is my life?   As my previous post described, my life gets lost sometimes.  Amidst the mumbo jumbo of babies, kids, housework, worries and fears, I do loose sight of my life.  But, it's OK because when I get away with Christ, I will recover my life.  Again, there's that indescribable peace.

"I will show you how to take a real rest."
I need rest.  Even in bed at night, when the lights are off and my husband's breathing is deep beside me, I struggle to rest.  God knows this.  He sees Jessica under the covers; He hears her cries and tears.  He longs to show me how to rest.  

"Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it."
I pray God walks with me today.  I want to work with Him as I tend to my children and my household.  As I march along, crossing things off the ever growing To Do List, I want to remember He is in this room.  Maybe I could really just stand back and watch how He does it.  I'm sure He has some ideas I haven't thought of, don't ya think?  

"Learn the unforced rhythms of grace."
My goal is that this phrase would one day describe my home.  Unforced rhythms of grace.  I pray that grace would be abundant in my home and grace would BE the rhythm here.

 "I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you."
I take too much on me.  I think I have to take care of people God has not called me to care for.  I also worry too much.  God has this upcoming move to New Mexico all under control.  He has not called me to worry.  The move should not be heavy upon my shoulders.  So, I lay the move at His feet and trust Him with it.  He has just called me to move with Him.  To walk with Him.  To move in grace.  

"Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly."
My daughters wore beautiful Easter dresses to church on Sunday.  Sure, Easter is long past, but their pretty dresses are still hanging in the closet.  They love their dresses.  The first thing they did after I dressed them was twirl around and around, laughing and giggling.  Freely and lightly.  Keeping company with Christ is like dancing.  Twirling around and dancing with someone who loves me and knows me more intimately than anyone else.  

"Are you tired?  Worn out? ...  Come to me.  Get away with me and you will recover your life.  I will show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  Matthew 11:28 

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Mommy's Crazy Spinning Thoughts

Do you ever just feel so lost and sinking that you worry you won't come back up for air?

Usually I am much too hurried to pause for a long, hot bath, but the other day demanded it.  Or, I should say, my hairy legs demanded it.  You know what I mean.  

Sitting in that steaming hot water, I got lost in my thoughts.  All of the day swarmed around me and I sunk into reminiscing.  

As a mother, it feels like there is never enough of me to go around.  Often I feel guilty for not doing this or for not doing that.  I am a stay-at-home-Mom and I home-school my kids.  How could they not get enough of me?  Really.

Ever just want to start over?  I feel that way looking at my body.  I just want to start over.  My kids have these beautiful healthy bodies and, I'm ashamed to say, I feel almost jealous of them.  They are so healthy and strong and lean.  Rose enjoyed playing drums on my belly and mushing it around.  I suggested she play her own belly.

"But, Momma," she said, "my belly is not as squishy as yours!"  It was quite the compliment, I guess.  Thanks, Rose.  

I feel so incredibly in limbo these days.  With the summer's end up in the air- will we move?  Will we not move?  Will we move to Holloman?  Will we not move to Holloman?  Yadda-yadda!!  It makes me want to spin around in crazy circles until I'm too dizzy to stand up straight.  Round and round I go...

The bath brought all these crazy thoughts out.  Scary, aren't they?  I think I need some therapy.  Or prayer.  Or another hot bath.  Something.  Maybe I'll just clean my house.  That'll do it.

revolutionary love

I have experienced revolutionary love. Love with no strings attached. Jesus Christ loves me and made a way for me to have a relationship with the One True God. God desires a relationship with you, too. If you have yet to experience this revolutionary love, please email me at so I can share this amazing experience with you. Blessings, -Jess