I have peed on six pregnancy test sticks this week. One was negative. Two days later, a very, very faint second pink line appeared. That was Thursday, December 16th, seven days before the "missed period". Friday, still faint second line. Saturday, the line was darker and by Sunday, I had an obvious second pink line. For fun, I took one more test, the last in the package, just to play "peek-a-boo" with the new baby.
A new baby. Words fail me. How do I describe the complex war of emotions pushing against each other inside my heart and thoughts? I am happy. We did this on purpose. We tried for a baby. I am grateful. God has given us life again. I am scared. What if....
And so we begin anew. I am four weeks pregnant. New due date. New story. New baby.
It's the tenth grandbaby. Again. It's my fifth baby. Again. Where do I start count? Technically, this is my seventh baby, if you count the disappearing twin (Rose's pregnancy) and our lost October baby. But no one counts those babies. For all appearances, this is our fifth child.
I hold my breath and pray. And trust God for His eternal plan to come to fruition within me.
The joy is different.